Monday, November 13, 2006

Today’s reading

Philippians 3:1b-4

“For it is we who are the circumcision, who worship in the Spirit of God and boast in Christ Jesus and have no confidence in the flesh--even though I, too, have reason for confidence in the flesh” (Phil. 3:1b-4).

Prayer

I, however, do not, my Inscrutable Friend. I have no reason for boasting. I possess little that should distinguish me or draw attention. My mind is slow, my thoughts pedestrian, my abilities average. And that’s how you seem to like it, or so it seems. Otherwise, why do you so often approve of bringing me low, exposing my weaknesses and letting me taste the dust of my humanity? You leave me laying there until I am convinced of my fragility and my inability to bring consolation to my own soul.

Sometimes it is hard to call you friend, though a good night’s sleep and a time for perspective help. But I wonder: how would you treat me differently were we enemies? How would it be were I not beloved from all eternity? Would you handle my case with different care?

It seems unlikely. You are evenhanded in the inscrutability of your love. You make the sun shine and the rain fall on the good and evil alike, and I, of course, am both. But there is something worse than the pounding rain, terrible in fact: to be left alone. And that is something you refuse to do, and for that I thank you with all my heart. You, O Inscrutable Love, refuse to leave me alone with the illusions and idols I sometimes trust more than you.

So I thank you for tearing me down, for exposing my presumption, for rending my delusions, for showing me my inability to lift my soul from the sorrow into which I fall. It is hard for me to praise you when I find myself with my face in the dust. Time must pass. Prayer must happen. Confession must occur. The heart must hurt. Then slowly life begins to flow again through my veins, as amid tears of relief and joy I realize once more that I am yours and you are mine.

You never leave me to own devices. You show me your love alone suffices. You redeem me from myself. May my confidence ever rest in the love that shines from the blessed face of my brother, Jesus. Amen.