Friday, November 10, 2006

Friday, November 10, 2006

Today’s reading

Philippians 3:1

“Finally, my brothers and sisters, rejoice in the Lord.” (Phil. 3:1).


Rejoice. I will rejoice for you turn my weakness into blessing. You transpose my failures into victories of grace. You transform my incessant neediness into powerful wings on which I fly to you O Infinite Abundance, there to discover you are all I need.

How many years have I struggled to be what I am not--strong? How long have I fought to deny, to hide, to transcend the crying need and weakness I long ago learned to abhor? So much of my struggle and pain is self imposed, the natural product of denying my own need, my own humanity. From that foul spring flows all manner of sorrow and pain, from self-hatred to manifold failures of courage and compassion.

Late have I learned what should have been clear long ago. Surrender to my needs is surrender to your desire for me. For it is true: You desire me. You desire that I should know you. You desire my nearness. My desire is simply the restless call of your own brooding Spirit.

Could it be? Might all the weakness and neediness I have hidden and denied be the furious flapping of holy wings bearing me home to your embrace? Denying my human heart, I am left alone to my own decrepit devices. But bringing all I am to the infinity of your compassion, my needs and weakness are rendered irrelevant. They do not matter. For all that I lack is overwhelmed by your fullness. All my sorrows evaporate like so much morning mist, burnt off by the everlasting warmth of a love that has delighted in me since the time I was not.

So I will praise and rejoice in you, Loving Mystery, who wears my savior’s face. I will rejoice that in my weakness I know your fullness, in my neediness I know a love in which there is no lack. And I will praise you for making me weak, for in my weakness I discover the magnitude of your divine heart, O Near Immensity. This day I shall name you Boundless Source, for you are always enough for me. Amen.

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