Posts
‘This is one of those apposite, beautiful … and precious and very great promises given to us … that we are to become participants in the divine nature … not only loved by God through Christ, and have his favor and grace … but also to have Him, the Lord Himself, dwelling in us in his fullness … also to enjoy this love.‘ (Martin Luther, 1544)
I wonder if you remember, Ethan. You turned and asked me a
question as you descended the stairs at the end of our Christmas celebration.
‘Why do you do it?’ you asked, about my online teaching and
retreat work, knowing it is not necessary for me to work in retirement.
My answer was quick and satirical. “Not for the princely sum
I’m paid,’ I quipped.
I have regretted those words ever since. They haunt me because
you deserve a better, truer answer, and my heart will not let me rest until I try
to tell you what’s in my heart.
My words won’t be half good enough to tell you what I know
and feel. I’ll likely think of better words five minutes after I send this. But
… here goes.
The real answer to your question is that I’d do what I do for
nothing. But that is not true either. I am paid extraordinarily well.
I do it because I must, something within me will not allow
me to stop naming the Love who lives at the depth of my soul, a Love who exceeds
my ability to name or describe.
It doesn’t happen all the time, but often enough, when I
teach or guide the prayer and meditation of others, my heart fills with an unimaginable
joy and mercy that brings tears to my eyes.
A current of love springs up from a place in my soul I do
not control and cannot command. All I can do is consent to its flow and share
the blessing, passing on what I know and feel is true.
I know this love not because someone has told me about it,
but because I experience the great and all-surpassing love of God living in my
heart.
It melts my fears, releases my regrets, breathes peace in my
soul and awakens joy for the simple gift of being alive. It opens my eyes to see
beauty in others and the world around me, despite the pain and ugliness that
abounds in so many ways and places. In this love, I feel truly free to be
myself with all my quirks and shortcomings.
A long time ago, I was tempted to think life was absurd, empty
and meaningless. But a handful of people taught me how to pray, how to meditate
and let stories about Jesus come to life in my mind and imagination. I began to
feel their power and realize that I, too, was wanted, treasured and delighted
in by God.
I felt a great love enveloping me. No, I don’t feel this way
all the time, but even when I don’t I know this love remains and times of
feeling it near will come again.
For this eternal love of God, the source of creation, is the
presence of Christ, who is not only born in history but also in the mystery of
our hearts, yours and mine.
Sometimes, when I do what I do, I get to see another human
being light up with joy, feeling profoundly loved and treasured by the love of
God living within their own flesh and blood. And I feel it, too, living and
loving me, often with tears of joy.
Of all the great things that lie in your future, my greatest
prayer is for you to feel this, too.
David L. Miller
