When Jesus turned and saw them following, he said to them, ‘What are you looking for?’ They said to him, ‘Rabbi’ (which translated means Teacher), ‘where are you staying?’ He said to them, ‘Come and see.’ (John 1:38-39a)
It’s been an off day, which is to say I am off, not
sick but not entirely well either. I have recently had more of these than I
have been willing to admit, even to myself, chronic conditions exacerbated by a
bit of age. Tomorrow is a new day, and conditions will likely change but today
must be embraced for what it might give.
What I most miss on days like this is the desire to do
much of anything—and the inability to concentrate on anything except by force
of will, and then poorly.
It is easy for me to pray and know you, my God, on
days when my step is lighter and my body works as I think it should. But now,
not so much. And I wonder about the inexorable reality that days will come when
energy fades not for a few hours or days but for good.
Will I be able to know and enjoy you then as deeply as
I have been blessed to know you through the years of my seeking? Will I still be
able to force myself to these keys to speak my longing and find you in the
midst of it?
For my need of you ... and my questions ... will be
the same as they have always been. Where does Love dwell? Where can Love be
known? Where can you and I dwell together that sweet tears may kiss my eyes at
the joy of knowing you?
Perhaps you smile at this, Lord, knowing that I will know
you exactly where you have always met and given yourself to me. And this is a
very deep irony. For you dwell in my need, beckoning me to come in the honesty
of prayer to the very place where Love dwells.
Come and see.
David
L. Miller
1 comment:
Yes, I resemble this blog in my own soul stirring.
Thank you for your honest reflection/confession.
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