Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Today’s reading

Philippians 3:10-11

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the sharing of his sufferings by becoming like him in his death, if somehow I might attain the resurrection from the dead” (Phil. 3:10-11).

Prayer

For what shall I thank you, Dearest Friend? More than anything I want to thank you for what I have lost. But I am not sure that I can. Seventeen months ago, I stepped with willing ambivalence from a place that loved and hated me, where I knew success and favor, abuse and distrust, respect and status, accomplishment, adventure and joy. I left because the place no longer fit. Neither places nor souls remain static, and your Spirit within my spirit seemed to call for fresh expression.

But saying ‘thank you’ for the grief of losing something to which you have surrendered your heart is beyond human capacity. At least it’s beyond me. Only the miracle of your grace can move my lips to this most improbable gesture of gratitude. These two small words, ‘thank you,’ choke and die in my throat unless you, Patient Friend, teach my heart the surpassing value and joy of gifts that could never have been received without first losing.

My heart is still learning. But I have begun to know a gratitude that was not in me before, and for this I say, “thank you.” Thank you that ‘good byes’ opened the door into the great paschal mystery of your life, where losing becomes finding and dying is the gateway to graces I could not have known without releasing my grip a way of life I had loved. With patience and insistent love, you have taught my heart to embrace this mystery again, and in deeper ways.

I know this lesson isn’t fully learned. That will come only in eternity. But even now the power of your resurrection appears in the flesh and blood of my living and loving. With joy and great laughter, you have dragged my unwilling heart into your resurrection, freeing me to speak two words, “thank you.” I savor these words and the freedom of heart from which they come. They are a preliminary morsel of a yet greater feast. Amen.