Every. Single. Time.

Jesus said "Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. (John 12:24-25)

Every. Single. Time.

I stand at the brink of a new time, a new chapter in which I may more fully (and finally!) become myself, that soul the Loving Mystery within aches for me to become.

There is excitement, anticipation of finding the great joy for which the soul most longs. But every new beginning starts with an ending, and endings are about letting go, something I have never done well.

There have been too many letting go moments, although no more than in any other life, I suppose. Those moments come to mind now, especially the painful ones—places I didn’t want to leave … ever, people with whom I spent precious times of joy and immense pain, moments that blessed me beyond every expectation … and still do.

I savor them in the graced halls of memory, wishing I could transport myself back in time to those people and places to laugh with them again and give proper thanks, holding them in the arms of the love the years have only burnished.

Bittersweet melancholy, however, does not obscure this undeniable hope for that great More the longing soul can never receive, except by opening hands and heart to what the loving Lord of our lives has yet in store.

Whatever comes, I know: It will be laced with the Great Love that has sought and found me on the journey despite my failures of faith and courage. That’s the way this Love is, this Wonder who holds us and always will.

Our lives are like this. We let go, however unwillingly. We turn the page to the next chapter, not knowing what that is. We experience thousands of little deaths, before our final one. And each time, every single time, Love has an answer, and that answer is the Love who fills us again and again with the life that is eternal, now.

Pr. David L. Miller